Mother’s Day – did you get what you expected?

Did you have any expectations for Mother’s Day?

When the kids were little whether in daycare, kindy or primary school the teachers would do an amazing job of making sure there were gifts and cards coming home.  Plenty of conversations were being had about making it a special day for Mum.  That all stopped in high school. For a little while my husband facilitated the making or buying of cards but, he really doesn’t buy into the commercial aspect of the day and believes the effort should come from the kids.  How do they know what is expected though?  So often I have felt disappointed in the effort my teens have put into the day.  The thoughts in my head full of resentment and frustration that they didn’t appreciate ‘all the things’ I do for them, they didn’t value me.  

As humans we all feel the need to be seen, heard and valued!  What I have also learnt on this journey, particularly over the past few years, is that I have to take ownership of my own happiness.  The feeling of being happy and fulfilled is my personal responsibility!  It is not up to my children, husband, friends or colleagues to give me what I wont give myself.  I have to take the time to invest in and love myself. What a wake up call!!!  There was going to be no fairy waving her magic wand to make me feel full of drive and purpose!  A click of my fingers didn’t make it all drop into place for me either.  Time to get to work, one day, one decision, one goal at a time.

 To some extent being for the most part a ‘stay at home mum’ I had abandoned my identity, dreams, hopes and goals.  The idea that my needs didn’t matter as long as my children were thriving had taken root.  I realised though that I was parenting from a place of resentment, frustration, fatigue and oh so much guilt especially when my kids weren’t thriving. Parenting was my job and I was failing at it.  I was seeing my life as a “sacrifice”, as a negative, instead of the blessing and privilege it is.

Gradually I realised…  being their role model was true not only for the manners, honesty and kindness I can teach them but for the deeper human needs too.  If I want my daughter to love herself for the amazing person she is then, I have to do that for myself.  If I keep saying she doesn’t need the approval of others to have a sense of self worth and be happy then isn’t the same true for me?  If I don’t listen to what my body is telling me, then how do I teach her that important lesson?

We know that our children can bring out the very best in us, but also the worst – and don’t they love telling you all your failings – but what an unbelievable personal development journey.  It can be as painful, hard and frustrating just as much as it can be the greatest blessing.

The choice to become a mother doesn’t automatically include the relinquishing of my identity as an individual, yes it will always be intertwined, but taking care of myself and my own destiny is one of the greatest lessons I can teach my children. We are ultimately responsible for our own happiness, it comes from within. Take time to invest in and love yourself.

So, circling back to my mothers day expectations… this year I told them what I wanted!  No flowers or chocolates were needed, a card would be lovely, but their time was the gift I wanted.  We had a late, lazy breakfast, my daughter baked a cake and my son helped me clear out the veggie beds and prep them for winter planting – better late than never 😉  I had a long chat with my eldest who is away at uni and I finally got them all to play mahjong with me, loving the banter, laughs and teasing.  My heart was full.

Thanks for letting me share that with you!  I don’t think I’m alone in learning these lessons so slowly but, let me know how you have fared on the personal development journey that is Motherhood.